As a speech therapist, one thing that I constantly try to remind myself of is to put myself in the shoes of my clients...to understand where they may be coming from or the reasons they may think, act, or react a certain way. In may ways, I think that we all do this - with family, friends, and people we meet on a daily basis. And - it's not always the easiest thing to do - especially if we haven't "lived" it. I remember talking to a friend about working with clients who stutter...and almost feeling bad that I didn't stutter and so I could never really "get" it. He made a point that has stuck with me - he said "we all experience the same emotions - there may just be different triggers for those emotions." So true.
And, now I find myself in a situation (or daily situations) in which for the first time in my life - language is REALLY hard. And the thought of communicating actually evokes feelings of fear, dread, anxiety, embarrassment, frustration and so much more. Sure, I have experienced these feelings before - to a much lesser degree and in more isolated circumstances. Now...it's part of my daily life. I find myself planning out speaking situations before I go into them. I want to order a coffee: How do I say coffee? Oh, I have to let them know if I want it hot or cold - what are those words again? Oh and I have to tell them how many? And the words go in a different order - noun first. Be sure to say please. I find myself only knowing how to respond to a situation if a direct script is followed: Okay, I say "hi" and then they will ask me my name. Then, I ask them theirs and say nice to meet you. Oh wait - they just said something that didn't sound familiar. Cue silence and smile now. Then get out of there as fast as you can. I find myself having a hard time pronouncing sounds and words: Okay, they don't have "l" or "r" - but they do have a sound that combines those two - and adds a little bit of "d." Hmm..can my tongue do that? And wait - Japanese only has 5 vowels sounds and English has about 20...so how do I say that word?! And, at the moment - my understanding and use of the language is minimal. I probably understand maybe 5% of what is being said in a known context - and my use of the language is probably less than 50 words (sorry, hi, good morning, thanks, I don't understand...).
The other day as I was walking home from the store - it hit me just how amazing the process of language development is - and the fact that for most of us...it just happened naturally. And, for those who had to work at it or who learned more than one language - you have my upmost respect and amazement!!
Kaz was asking me the other day what my goals were in terms of the language - and I didn't know how to even answer that question. My first thought was...well, I just want to be able to communicate with people, express my wants/needs, read signs...basically be able to do things independently in Japan and have an idea of what is going on. Though deep down - there was a part of me that was thinking - I want to talk and understand just like I do in English...oh, and I would like it to come without any effort! Sometimes I can be a bit stubborn too...
His next question - well, what are some steps to get there? Oh man, he is giving me a taste of my own medicine! When did he become a therapist!? I was totally overwhelmed thinking about the steps...well, I have to at least master hiragana and katakana (Japan has 3 main alphabets...hiragana, which is a phonetic alphabet for Japanese words; katakana, which is a phonetic alphabet for foreign words; and, kanji, which is a symbol system where words are represented in symbols). By being able to recognize the symbols - I can get a feel for what the word sounds like and then look it up on Google Translate. Before we came, I took some Japanese lessons and became familiar with both. However, let me tell you - memorizing the individual syllables seems like cake compared to looking at something like this in the store - trying to figure out what it says, and not hold up the line!
Then, I need to start recognizing some kanji - there are over 50,000 characters of which about 2,000-3,000 are used daily...and combined with one another make up about 99% of Japanese words. (Example - there is kanji for sun and a kanji for moon - if they are written together - it means bright...and it you include bright and another sun kanji it means tomorrow). So what are the most important ones for me to recognize? Do I learn what they say in Japanese or just memorize their English meaning? Oh, and then I need to build my vocabulary so that I can understand what people say and also be able to talk back...at least a bit. Phew. Needless to say...had to take a step away from that conversation for a while. To give myself time to process...and also...to work through my expectations...and try to be a bit more reasonable with myself.
I found myself having this deep-rooted desire to be able to blend in and speak Japanese when I needed to and to not "burden or bother" anyone with my lack of language. Yep...unreasonable! Though strong - and occupying much of my thought process at the moment!
A lot of people will attempt English with you - and you can get through an interaction with the desired outcome. Today, we had a chair delivered...I said konnichiwa (hello) - pointed where I wanted him to put it and then said arigatou gozaimasu (polite form of thank you) and that was that. He said a lot more - and may have asked me questions...who knows?! I just smiled and kept nodding. So...the challenge I am giving myself is to see this as a successful situation...instead of thinking...oh man, I totally inconvenienced him...what is he thinking?I should have had Kaz stay home and take care of this because he could have talked with him...ugh, total fail!!
I realized that even though I talk to my clients about this sort of thing all the time - doing their best, not worrying about what other people say, setting goals, thinking about the outcome....I realized that sometimes (or a lot of the time) it is WAY easier said that done!!
And so...the theme of this post will frequent the blog often...as I know that my thoughts, actions, and reactions when it comes to language will morph and evolve along this journey.
As I sign off for today...the rain has stopped and the sun is streaming brightly into the living room! A reminder to cut myself some slack, keep learning, and do the best I can? I think so! Oh, and Japanese lessons will start up again next week!
Sunny Moments: "Successful" grocery shopping trips, ordering lunch (with a mix of pointing, English, and attempts at Japanese); handling multiple deliveries on my own, walking a whole new journey in the shoes of my clients.
Cloudy Moments: Struggling to read and speak Japanese....and all the thoughts and emotions that have come along with that!
This sounds so much like my time in Nepal! Various alphabets, high expectations, wanting to be fluent enough to be productive at my work...I get it! It does get easier and more comfortable I promise. One thing I learned later and wish I had known earlier is that if you can get over trying to construct the conversation ahead (which is exactly what I did too:) and start blurting out words even in the wrong order (this is what Rex did all the time) you actually end up learning faster...there is even a Harvard study to support this! Sending you lots of love, patience, and confidence to let the words tumble out!
ReplyDeleteTHANK YOU so much for this post! Such wonderful advice - will definitely have to work on being more willing to just talk! Miss you all so much - and would love to Skype sometime soon! Lots of love to you, Rex, Arlo, and Forrest!!! <3
DeleteGood luck Jaime! I took four and a half years of Japanese class in school and let me be the first to say, it took years for me to learn the vocabulary and grammar rules adequate to form a variety of basic sentence structures, hiragana and katakana, and about 300 kanji. Continue to keep that perspective you're learning, Japanese is HARD! You can do it, but be reaslistic, and patient with yourself! And have fun with it. What resources do you have to keep learning day to day?
ReplyDeleteGreat post, Jaime! I loved Tlell's feedback, too. I probably know 4 times as much Spanish as Kris, but like you and Tlell, I always want to think before I talk vs Kris who just blurts stuff out and at least gets the conversation going! :) (Truly, I think the only words he actually knows are related to beer and drinking beer.)
ReplyDeleteAlso according to English language development, you're functioning at a 2 year-old level. Well done, because according to my calculations of you learning Japanese for <6 months, you just skipped ahead like 18 months! AND you've only been in a Japanese-speaking environment for <1 month, so basically what I"m saying is that you're a language genius. :)
Wonderful blog today and something to really think about as an SLP... This was a nice reminder to me to put myself in my clients shoes, because you said, it is often easier said then done!
ReplyDeleteIt sounds like you are having a wonderful experience so far and I know you will thrive! Enjoy and remember it will come with time and practice... Short term goals as you work towards your long term goals!
Lots of love,
Sam
This is my second attempt at leaving a comment. :) I love this post! It's brilliant, and you are brave and insightful. I love that you are being so mindful of your experience and what it's teaching you...where it's leading you. Of course it's scary, but you aren't afraid to be with your experience. I read a quote yesterday and thought of you: "The only sure path is to live consciously, moment to moment, as you let go of the outcome." - Charlotte Kasl. Sounds a lot like letting "the words tumble out" and seeing what happens! :) Lots of hugs!! You're amazing!
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